Patrick Stewart's quiet life

Oh, the irony!

I hope this was intentional:
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MEME MAKING

^{No. This blog is NOT only about news and politics anymore. Stop asking and visit www.warragulcitizen.com.}

I have an awesome friend called Karrin.

Karrin is the proud mother (totally not adoptive) of an awesome cat called Nala.

The human race could learn a lot from Nala; she has a love for everything, no matter what it is.

Want proof? Here it is, straight from Karrin’s camera:

Such is Nala’s love for all things, she will hug a cactus to prove we must feel the same way about the world.

For the cactus’ future.

For OUR future.

I feel such an important figure in the rise of our morally superior feline overlords should be immortalised, and what better way to immortalise a cat then by captioning its photograph!

Here is one to slip in your wallet to remind you not to buy that piece of cow meat or environmentally destructive cactus scented shampoo:

This one’s for those who need to be antagonised into doing hard things; I suggest hanging it in front of your treadmill or mounting it on your pushbike:

There is a problem in immortalising a cat in such a way though:

You can find Karrin’s Tumblr here: http://inakarr.tumblr.com/

Aaaaaaand you can follow me on Twitter here: http://twitter.com/#!/onecuckoosnest

Introducing the Absolutely Fabulous ad of the week!

_{Yes, this IS the blog that once brought you politics and news. If you’re still after that head over to www.warragulcitizen.com.}

The 1950s was a time of dull fashion, dull schooling, dull city planning* and dull politics. How did the population manage to muddle through their dull existence without the urge to throw their dull selves under a dull truck?

Luckily for the  people of the 1950s Fab washing detergent was there to make sure that their colours weren’t dull. However their ads ironically made for dull (and startlingly sexist) television.

_{[1952 Fab ad on YouTube below. Click play to play.]}

Check out their (f)abs!

So even though your dull PM was making dull speeches about dull education in his dull suit in the dull capital city, you could still be happy your clothes were that little bit more radiant than those of the next person. Just grab Fab!

… but make sure that Fab is consenting.

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*A lot of development of Canberra was completed or started in the 1950s.

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Trovebots attack!

This is yet another stretched comparison from my conspiratorial mind. (The last one was that Gillard v Meme picture – a bit less tangible than this one!)

There is a disturbing similarity between the new logo of the National Library of Australia’s Trove project and the symbol of the Autobots from Transformers.

Don’t believe me? Well let that be on your head when a self-aware copy of The Argus is flying at you faster than a wet fish!

They said I was mad when I warned that the old books and newsreel tapes were conspiring against us, but who’s laughing now!!!!

I have already alerted the police.

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Don’t forget to check out my new shindig – www.warragulcitizen.com (It’s where all my good stuff gone!)

Don’t be a burke – here’s the key to Locke

I saw the picture below on political reporter Latika Bourke’s Twitter last week:

This picture from one of the occupy protests seems silly, as Ms Bourke was sure to point out with her caption “um”, but there is actually a legitimate philosophical grounding for the sign’s statement that goes to the core of US political organisation.

To see it we have to go back to 17^th and 18^th century England and the wealthy political philosopher John Locke. Locke was one of the founders of liberalism; in his ideal world all people are free and equal, the government has little to no intervention in daily life and taxes require the direct consent of the people.

Locke’s ideas of property rights were also ground-breaking; he argued that each person should only take as much as they needed and leave as much and as good for everyone else. In other words, only take what you can take without waste and always leave something for everyone else. (It’s actually a little more complex than that but I want to keep the word count down!)

Lovely idea! Except that Locke’s wealth got in the way of his philosophy.

That rule that you can only take as much as you need is called the (rule) of spoilage. The example of this rule given to my first year political philosophy class was picking apples – take as many as you can eat so long as you don’t take so many that some rot. Locke argued that because money does not rot, (and a few other logistical reasons that allowed this concession to fit with his theory,) money should be exempt from this rule.

So according to Locke you can only have as much of anything as you need, except for money which you can have unlimited quantities of. This means that in Locke’s world the wealthy can remain wealthy.

You might be asking what a 17^th century English philosopher has to do with 21^st century America, but there is a direct link: The libertarian principals of Locke’s works are cited the major philosophical base of the American Revolution.

So America is a country founded on the principals of the man who validated unlimited money in a free and equal society. The sign doesn’t seem so silly now, hey!

I admit that I don’t know if the sign was intentionally a deep political statement or coincidental hippy mumbo jumbo, but the suggestion is surprisingly well grounded. Maybe Ms Bourke is just being too Burkean to see that.

FOLLOW me on Twitter: @onecuckoosnest

Just something I noticed when surfing The Age

NOTE: I am NOT trying to pick on Gillard here!

On A Friday: Everything must go!

The phrase “selling out” has been taken more literally than usual by one Liberal National Party critic, who has decided to sell the party to the highest bidder on the behalf of the party administration.

Being auctioned under “religious products” on the online trading website eBay Australia is one “Liberal National Party”.

The unusual item is listed as “Used” by eBay seller “ilforddave”, with a more in-depth description of its condition reading as follows:

“The Liberal National is an old favourite but suffered an accident when it fell into a black hole and now needs complete restoration..
It has always run smoothly but has recently tended to lose control and veer to the right.
Fully restored it could provide a valuable resource for your home or mine.
The original policy manual has been mislaid, but currently the Liberal National Party has no polices in place to restrict an immediate take over.
Willing to sell to foreign buyer.
LOW starting price but hope to reach $73,000,000,000”

You can check out the listing and bid on this once-in-a-lifetime party take-over opportunity by clicking here. If the item has sold or been removed by eBay officials, you can click on the image below to view a screenshot of the sale.

Maybe Malcolm Turnbull will use his immense personal wealth to bid in this auction so he can again be leader of the presently cash-strapped party? With bidding thus far totalling just $1.29 from three bidders, he might get the party for a song!

It’s a safe bet too; ilforddave has 100% positive feedback for 125 transactions!

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UPDATE: The seller has added the following information:

“I have been asked about bids from RupertbearM.  All I can say is that he has asked that he be allowed to be allowed to merge Foxtel with Austar as part of his bid and that part of the ABC be added to the package.”

===

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(Full link to listing: http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/Liberal-National-Party-/180710335706?pt=AU_PinsBadgesPatches&hash=item2a132ce4da#ht_500wt_1156)

On A Friday: The Science of Opinion

It’s a strange time that we live in. Not since 1975 has the Australian public formed a strong political opinion en-masse (with the possible exception of the referendum debate), yet now Cletus has his head out of the window yelling “Ma, it’s happening again!”

It is odd - most people in the country actually seem to have an opinion, or something closely resembling an opinion, about the carbon tax. It’s one topic which you can bring up with strangers on the street and hear in their response an opinion which was obviously formed before your conversation. Depending on your views, you might even get a nice run down the street with your new best friend too.

How set and how ill-informed people’s opinions are varies greatly, but that’s not the key thing to take away from this. The really weird thing is that this issue is not about football, it is not about MasterChef – it is about politics!

It is remarkable how much of a fuss this re-ordering of the tax system has caused. It has occurred to me that yearly alterations to government budgets have done more to effect household bottom lines than this tax is set to do. Indeed, a household earning $110, 000 per year would only have to pay about $10 per week with a carbon price in place; and in most cases you can end up with a huge tax break if you switch to the untaxed renewable energy sources.

Although being ranked as the second least trustworthy group of professionals in a poll of 1000 Reader’s Digest readers this year, people seem to be taking up arms on this issue after listening to, you got it, politicians.

What’s more, this “debate” is all just political rhetoric – something that I thought the Australian public was supposed to have an aversion to. Rhetoric-ridden speeches by Tony Abbott question the quality of our climatologists, our ecologists, our economists and probably even our biologists, archaeologists, zoologists and gynaecologists. At the same time, Julia Gillard levels anti-Abbott rhetoric at the nation.

This completely throws to the wind the importance of scientific research and instead makes this a debate about “who lied about what” and “which multi-millionaire should have to pay 5c extra for a hotdog.” The science is occasionally taken along for the ride.

Indeed yesterday one politician, Malcolm Turnbull, revealed that he had been receiving persistent abusive text messages from one individual about his stance on climate change; this is not in line with political debate or scientific research.

But if all this tax talk is taking its toll on you, you might want to sit back and watch the video below. The sentiment can be appreciated by everyone of every opinion and political persuasion, and even by those managing to hold no opinion.

I’m not sure if it was Terry Gilliam who was responsible for the animations. A large part of me hopes that it wasn’t.

Or maybe that song is too scientific for some people?

But oh, if only the sun were the direct source of all our power - then there’d be no need for a debate at all.

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©2011 William Kulich.

Opinion: When Australian Politics Breaks

Today is former Australian Prime Minister Gough Whitlam’s 95th birthday. Whitlam became Prime Minister in December 1972 and was eventually toppled, not by the Liberal/National opposition, but by then-Governor-General of Australia Sir John Kerr who sacked him on Remembrance Day 1972.

Whitlam’s short term in office was one of the most unstable moments in Australian political history, and was the first true test to the Australian hybrid system of government.

The “constitutional crisis” which surrounded Whitlam’s dismissal was a clash between the unwritten conventions of the Westminster system and the written constitution of Australia, which is required to make the Australian Federation work.

Sir John Kerr broke many conventions when dismissing Whitlam, especially the convention that the Governor-General should consult with the Prime Minister on important matters. I argue that Kerr also broke the law of the Constitution of Australia by consulting with a member of the High Court – a move which is questionable under the separation of powers described in section one of the constitution.

This was not the first time that convention had been broken for the Labor MP; in fact, right from the moment that Whitlam entered Parliament he was subject to breaches of convention. When delivering his maiden speech to the parliament in 1953 after the Werriwa by-election, Whitlam was interrupted by John “Black Jack” McEwen. Maiden speeches are, by convention, heard in silence.

The political instability of the early- to mid-1970s was, to say the least, a scary realisation that Australia’s democracy is far from perfect. But what is the alternative? One of the strange side-effects of anti-communism in Australia is that any non-democratic system of government is hardly considered by the population.

Although any future Governors-General are unlikely to dismiss a Prime Minister, we’re not out of the woods yet in proving the worth of Australian democracy.

I was watching a sitting of the House of Representatives last week, where the house became rowdy so quickly that Speaker Harry Jenkins was forced to stand and issue a general warning after only five minutes of sitting time. The rest of the sitting saw Jenkins throw out five opposition members, nearly throw out the opposition leader and yell for silence at both sides of the chamber.

Once again, we are lucky that there is not a strong alternative to democracy in Australia as, given how much of a rabble our Parliament has started to become, it would be difficult to defend the functionality of our system at present.

Although there is some fun about Australia’s parliament and how parliamentarians interact, when there are clear breaches of standing orders for the sake of TV news bites and attempts to stall parliamentary proceedings to force an extra sitting week it has gone too far. Everyone should be thankful that we have no rival ideology.

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©2011 William Kulich.

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On A Rapture: Apples fall, not stars!

It has been three months since my last post on OCSN. There are a few good reasons for this; I have started a course at University, I have started a local paper (look out Rupert!), and I will even admit that at times I have not posted because of laziness. But one thing that has not been taking up my time is preparing for the Rapture.

Ladies and gentlemen, according to Harold Camping it’s Rapture day. Put on your helmets, wrap yourself in bubble wrap and cover your kids’ eyes for Jesus is a’comin’ back, and he has a grudge 1,975 years in the making!

What is the Rapture exactly? The Rapture is a Christian event; It is a bit like Christmas. Pretty much, the Rapture is the day when all the Christians are supposed to be taken to meet Jesus in the sky whilst all non-believers suffer for not having faith.

But there is only one thing that I really need to know about the Rapture - what time is it supposed to be? I want to know exactly when I will finally get confirmation of my radical Christian beliefs by being spared whilst all my atheist, Muslim, Hindu and Buddhist friends are sent to an eternity of torture and pain.* Oh wait…

I should probably show my hand now. Before I took a step back from the teachings of government primary school religious education (hoorah for a secular Australia!) I strongly believed in a Christian God. But I have since stopped accepting what has been preached to me and for the past eight years I’ve been atheist.

I am sceptical about anything religious, mainly because I like to ask questions and the answers that any religion provides seem so ambiguous and/or farcical. Here is one example: The new testament is essentially a re-written, dumbed-down version of the Bible written when Jesus “came back to Earth” and decided that the Old Testament was too hard for “God’s people” to abide by. If we are supposed to have been created in God’s image, why did we not get it right the first time?

But back to Rapture, or more specifically, the twelfth “notable” predicted Rapture (as stated by John “Jo” Smith of Wikipedia) and Camping’s second Rapture prediction. On that note, I think it’s time for a tally of Rapture predictions:

Predicted by:	Notable dates:	Secondary dates:
William Miller:	March 1843- March1844 (seems that in the old days Rapture prediction wasn’t a precise… science?)	Revised to October 1844. (Full marks for trying!)
Jehovah’s Witnesses:	1914, 1918, 1925, 1942. (I don’t think that I’ve missed any...)	(I think they pretty much covered it in direct predictions.)
Chuck Smith:	1981. (Although Metallica’s formation in 1981 might have been some kind of a musical Rapture.)
Edgar Whisenant:	1988, 1989.	1992, 1995 and the list goes on.
Mission for the Coming Days:	1992.
MANY people:	1993.
John Hinkle:	1994.
Harold Camping:	1994 (counted with Hinkle), 2011.
Sir Isaac Newton:	Any time from 2060 onwards.	2061, 2062, 2063, 2064…

So, the past 12 notable Rapture predictions, including Camping’s 2011 prediction, have flopped like a rebellion in Jerusalem. What of the next one? Could Isaac be right?

Well, just for the hell of it, I am going to make the prediction that Isaac’s prediction is right! Why? Well, by using the same method of loose connections used in formulating previous Rapture predictions, I conclude that because there were 13 people at the last supper, the 13th notable prediction MUST be the right one! Onya Isaac!I do not actually believe this; I know that my theory will eventually abide by one of Newton’s other (already proven) theories, the law of gravitation, and come crashing down…

*KEEP READING!

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On A Friday: Ready thine ears

Over three years after their last album, and after much (often false) speculation over when LP8 will be released, last Monday Radiohead announced the imminent online release of their latest studio album, The King Of Limbs.

The new album will be available from the Radiohead website tomorrow as a digital download. A physical copy, described as “the world's first* (*perhaps) Newspaper Album”, is available to be shipped at a later date. Radiohead was right to put the “perhaps” clause in there – if I recall correctly, the original release of Jethro Tull’s Thick as a Brick was released as a newspaper.

Can’t wait until tomorrow? Well, here for your Friday night viewing pleasure, is the first single from the new album. (Incidentally, “On A Friday” was the name of Radiohead whilst they were still a school band.)

If this new song, called Lotus Flower, is an accurate indication of what The King Of Limbs will sound like, it would seem that this new album breaks Radiohead’s track record of every album being significantly different from their last. Lotus Flower could easily have been a part of Radiohead’s last album, In Rainbows, or singer Thom Yorke’s solo album, The Eraser.

Now that he’s a bit older, I think that Thom Yorke is starting to look a little like Jamie Oliver.

This is not the only news from the alternative music industry this week. Chiptune and Nerdcore artist Doctor Popular, who recently released Beeps and Smudges, has also released a new single.

Part of a new album planned for release in March, sunchoked is a return to the sound that Doctor Popular had when he released Me Geek Pretty One Day. Doctor Popular manages to do this whilst continuing his venture into iPad and iPhone music software, which he started with Beeps and Smudges.

Compare the new single, which can be listened to through the YouTube video below, to an earlier Doc Pop song, Dropped. (Click here to listen to Dropped.)

It seems that both Radiohead and Doctor Popular are standing by the styles which have worked for them in the past.

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On A Friday CARTOON: When the levy breaks

Early this month, Opposition Leader Tony Abbott suggested that dams be built around the country in an attempt to lessen future flooding. This approach was rejected by the Government.

Yesterday, Prime Minister Julia Gillard announced on the 7.30 Report that the recovery effort for the flooding across the east coast of Australia will “require some difficult decisions, spending cutbacks and there may even a levy". This approach has been criticised by the Opposition.

Levee or levy!

On the Shakespearian front, Gillard and Abbott’s suggestions could easily be mistaken for the same thing.

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On A Friday: Parallels with the past/Hello again!

It’s just two days until Australia’s newest free-to-air channel stops the ad loop and starts broadcasting its own set of programs.

Yes, at last Channel Eleven, the latest addition to Network Ten’s stable of channels, will rise and become Australia’s promised new “entertainment channel” aimed at younger audiences. Now, last time I checked, that was the job description of Channel Ten!

I found this tribute to bad taste in music, fashion and hair on YouTube. An ad for TEN Brisbane from 1991, it writes out for us at the end that “t – e – n” spells out “the entertainment network”!

t – e – n that’s entert….. oh, sorry. Catchy, isn’t it!

Twenty years later, Ten has had to shift its focus to be able to take on the big two commercial networks in Australia – Networks Nine and Seven. So, channel Eleven is in many ways Channel Ten, attempt number two.

The similarities between the Channel Ten of yesteryear and Channel Eleven are obvious. Remember how the 1991 advertisement started with the Simpsons and spliced the characters throughout? If you haven’t already seen it, take a look at the advertisement for Eleven:

THE ENTERTAINMENT CHANNEL! IT LIVES AGAIN!

With the number of Australians on digital television between  just 70 and 80 per cent, it is remarkable that Ten has moved the Simpsons, one of its flagship programs, completely over to digital-only Eleven! And then at the end of the month Neighbours will be joining it!

Ten will be investing 20 million dollars to improve its news offerings on the main channel to replace the Simpsons and Neighbours, competing with Seven and Nine’s news services. ^{(Ten news)}

Anyway, if you decide on Tuesday that you need entertaining, switch your digital dial to number 11.

On A Friday: OCSN in 2010

2010 marks the end of a big year for One Cuckoo Short of a Nest. The year started with a video interview with a federal politician,  the publication of several lengthy essays on Australian History and Politics*, and yet another interview with a federal member in the week before the federal election.

Also this year, One Cuckoo Short of a Nest celebrated its first birthday, had a design and accessibility overhaul, and published this website’s most popular article to date.

On that note, I thought that I would take this opportunity to announce which articles have been the most popular on One Cuckoo Short of a Nest this year. So here it is; the top ten articles on OCSN for 2010! And yes, I’m surprised that some of these are so popular too! (Note: more recent articles have had less time to gain page views.)

1. On A Friday: How to escape a Ninja.
2. Windows 7 ‘Fixes’ card reader eject issues. (A high ranking for a terribly written piece!)
3. Eighth Radiohead Album Coming Soon?
4. Windows 7 Beta 1: 7 Up.
5. Biography: Daniel Mannix and the British Influence on Australia.
6. Interview - Video> Liberal MP for McMillan Mr. Russell Broadbent Speaks to OCSN (29/1/2010).
7. On A Friday: Parliament Speed Dating (Cartoon).
8. On A Friday: Deal or No Deal?
9. On A Friday: Lipstick on a Pig.
10. How To: Install Fonts in Windows and Ubuntu.

So, what’s coming in 2011?
Many, many more interviews, more in-depth analysis and essays, more On A Friday and the return of Cabinet Unpacked after a year in hiatus.

And finally, I wish everyone a happy and safe new year, and my new year’s resolution is to greatly improve the quality of the writing on One Cuckoo Short of a Nest!

*(Links: 1: A biography on Daniel Mannix, 2: Australian independence at federation, 3: Picking apart Tom Keneally’s ‘Our Republic’, and 4: The 1967 referendum and indigenous rights.)

On A Friday: Deck the Parliament with lots (and lots and lots and lots) of emails

Christmas messages from politicians and political parties started hitting my inbox on the 20th. The number of messages increased rapidly over the following four days, filling my inbox like Christmas shoppers fill department stores.

One thing that I noticed about these messages was that the “Christmas” theme was often confined to a small paragraph or even just a greeting.

The first festively-themed email that I got was from Greens leader Senator Bob Brown. The subject line, “Seasons Greetings,” and a message that only contained the word “Christmas” twice, once on a personal level and once in the postscript, reflects the secular platform of the Greens.

Senator Brown’s message focused on the successes of the Greens in 2011:

Dear friend,

What a fantastic 2010! And it will flow into 2011, not least with our four new senators increasing our team in the federal parliament to 10 on 1 July.

Three of the great policy challenges for 2011 will be saving the Kimberley's James Price Point from a gas hub, permanent protection for Tasmania's high conservation value forests and getting a decent carbon price for Australia.

But Christmas is coming first. Don't tell Paul, but I've been down to the outdoor gear shop to get him a decent sleeping bag so that we can head off to Tasmania's central plateau, careless about any summer blizzards. I don't need any present as there is a new footbridge over the Liffey River, which will be a boon for platypus watchers and walkers headed for Drys Bluff alike.

I and my fellow MPs, Christine, Rachel, Sarah, Scott and Adam, wish you and yours a brilliant summer with many happy times together.

Yours sincerely

Bob Brown

p.s. If you are looking for a double-win Christmas present: send a donation to the Papua New Guinea Greens whose leader Dorothy Tekwie is currently touring Australia. PNG has elections coming up in 2012 and with your help this young, vibrant party can see its first members elected. You can donate by direct bank transfer to:Friends of the Global GreensPNG Project BSB: 633000 Account Number: 141613 679

Second was Labor Connect, a party website of the Australian Labor Party. From them came a message written by Labor National Secretary Karl Bitar, which wished “members and supporters a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year and a safe holiday”. Bitar goes on to recap the year and looks into the future of Labor and Labor Connect.

Here is Bitar’s message:

Dear William,
We wanted to take a moment to wish all of our members and supporters a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year and a safe holiday.
With your support we have seen the re-election of a Federal Labor Government this year. The Gillard Government has been hard at work with well over 50 pieces of legislation passing through the Parliament since the election, including legislation critical to implementing National Health Reform and building the National Broadband Network.
As with each and every year it is the hard work of unsung Party Members like yourself that make Australian Labor the great political party it is. The realities of the Parliament mean that during 2011 there will be much to do to advance our progressive agenda.
Along with a new year we are also approaching the one year anniversary of the Labor Connect Blog and the six month anniversary of the ThinkTank and the Labor Connect Community. The success of these initiatives have relied on our committed members taking time out of their day to contribute their thoughts and ideas to us, for this we want to thank you.
Please keep involving yourself in the conversation between the public and the Government. Your voice genuinely helps to shape the work of the Australian Labor Party.
In 2010 we have a strong agenda to grow our online program and improve opportunities for participation so we look forward to working with you in the New Year.
Have a happy and safe holiday,
Karl Bitar and the Team @ Labor Connect

The next pollie to send me their Christmas message was leader of the Nationals in the Senate, Senator Barnaby Joyce. Joyce’s email was the only message that I got from a politician, and here I should admit that I’m not signed up to receive emails from Senator Steve Fielding, that actually discussed Christmas and what it meant to them.

After speculating on the details of Christmas, Joyce contends that “the virtue of Christmas is therefore not in an item you purchase for someone, which to be honest is usually quickly forgotten crap, but how you act.” That’s a message which, perhaps, he should have given Tony Abbott before the Coalition leader threw a billion dollars at Andrew Wilkie during the negotiations after the federal election this year.

Here is Senator Joyce’s email, entitled “A Christmas message from Barnaby”:

Christ was not born on December the 25^th. It is far more likely that it would have been in late September, autumn, if Mary and Joseph were, as reported, returning to Bethlehem for the census, under the direction of Imperator Caesar Divi Filius Augustus.  Our current celebratory timing has more to do with the pagan Roman season of Saturnalia starting on the 17th of December, the birthday of my wife Natalie a name derived from the word "natal day".

Saturnalia would have quickly paled into obscurity had it not been associated with a person who a large proportion of the globe, including me, believes to be The Christ, the Son of God. Another large portion believes the same person to be a great prophet and many others who would class themselves as not holding a religion find the same individual’s statements as espousing the virtues of a good person and a tolerant society.

The paradox comes when those who laud the views of this Person, Christ, do not appear to follow these values themselves, then others attribute this paradox to a hypocrisy of a religion.

Christmas is a time of great joy and great loneliness. It shines the light on those who have somewhere to go and those who have nowhere. It is a great joy when it is shared by others but it can be devastating if the experience is merely observed through the window. There is nothing as lonely as Christmas carols for one.

The virtue of Christmas is therefore not in an item you purchase for someone, which to be honest is usually quickly forgotten crap, but how you act. There is definitely someone near you now who has no-one and is not so much looking forward to the 25th, but dreading it. Their experience in some instances will be absolute despair. This experience of despair many associate with the homeless on the street but it may just as easily be in the best house on the nicest street. Our part in this scene is to try to be a form of solace to the problem. Despite our reluctance, whatever we give personally is so much more rewarding than any tokenistic electronic good. We should never put out of our mind the idea of saying, “if you’d like to pop round for lunch we’d love to have you”; leave the option open for one of the greatest Christmas gifts. The magic of Christmas is the bravery to take down the barriers and be nice, to the stranger, yes, even to the ex.

Children make Christmas and there is almost an undisputed public shunning of those who think it clever to destroy the magic for kids. Everyone tries to desperately fight the tide of adolescence where the joy of the presents under the tree is lost by the impending mad rush to adulthood. That magic morning of watching children sticks in the memory banks. These are the couple of hours that are remembered in a person’s life; long remembered after promotions at work, parties, disputes and peers are wiped away.

There is nothing more nauseous than to be cynical or politically correct about Christmas. Every time I hear the term “Season’s Greetings” I believe I have just encountered a salutation to be given to the cloaca of a cooked chook. It is “Christmas” for goodness sake. There a four seasons, one Christmas, and I am not in the mind to send people a card  saying, “Happy spring – hope you’re all well.” or “ May the joy of winter find you in good health” or  “Welcome to the magic of mid to late autumn”.

The world is not going to collapse around your ears if you bite your tongue and say live and let live, it is actually Christmas. People who sing carols are not religious zealots. Be nice to someone outside your comfort zone. To all the children I say, as an earnest politician and dedicated representative of the people of Queensland that, Santa is real and I’ve seen one of his sleighs being serviced at Macquarie Island near the South Pole. I suppose he’d have to have a depot in the south as well.

Merry Christmas.

Now for the leader of the Opposition, Mr Tony Abbott. Mr Abbott seems to have taken his self-defined “job to oppose” a bit far, with him seeming to oppose Christmas as much as any Government bill. That’s quite a backflip from a person once training for the priesthood!

Here is Mr Abbott’s Christmas email, with a total of one sentence about the holiday for which the email is named:

A Christmas Message from Tony Abbott

A year ago, I said that I couldn’t promise victory but could guarantee a contest. Back then, only the most optimistic supporter could have anticipated the scale of our political recovery.

The past 12 months have seen the removal of a prime minister, a first term government losing its majority, huge anti-Labor swings in South Australia and Tasmania and the defeat of a well regarded Labor government in Victoria. Right around the country, the Labor brand is becoming toxic. All this is testament to the hard work, unity, discipline and belief of the Liberal team.

I’m extremely grateful for the support of my federal and state parliamentary colleagues, the party divisions, party members and thousands of volunteers – all of whom can take credit for the Liberal Party’s recent performance.

We owe it to all the families struggling with cost of living pressures and to everyone disappointed with a government that’s been all talk and no action to do even better in the year ahead.

I hope all of you have an enjoyable and restful Christmas with family and friends. I look forward to working with you all again next year as we strive to rid our great nation of what is probably the worst government in living memory.

Tony Abbott

The last Christmas Message to hit my inbox was from the Prime Minister of Australia, Ms Julia Gillard. This consisted of a link to listen to Gillard making her Christmas address, accompanied by a significantly shortened transcript of the speech.

The transcript and the speech (both below) reflect on 2010, and try to offset the disappointments of the year with the fact that Labor remains in Government in the Federal Parliament.

One unsurprising omission from the transcript is Ms Gillard’s acknowledgement of the contributions to the Australian Labor Party by former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd.

Dear William,

To every member and friend of Australian Labor – Merry Christmas!

Now is a time to reflect on the year just past - its challenges, and its achievements as well.

Most notably, Labor has finished the year in Government in Canberra – which means we can go on making a difference for the people who rely on us.

To the Australian Labor Party membership, from our National Secretary through to every volunteer who handed out a Labor how-to-vote card – my deepest thanks.

For all members and supporters of Australian Labor, my wish is that this Christmas, wherever you are in our country or overseas, you have the chance to do those special things that mean Christmas for you, with people who are special to you.

I look forward to working with you in 2011 to advance the values and ideas of our great party in our great country.

Julia Gillard
Prime Minister

Some time ago I also received a Christmas card in the post from my local member of parliament. The front of the card had my male Liberal MP standing amongst “thee generations of girl guides.” Pushed off to the side of the picture was a small clipart picture of a Christmas tree adorned with the words “Merry Christmas”.

Those two words on the cover were the only mention of Christmas on or in the card, with the message inside simply congratulating the guides “on 100 years of commitment and service.”

All these messages seem to become almost petty and partisan, perhaps with the exception of Barnaby Joyce, when looked at in comparison to the Queen’s Christmas address. For her yearly message, the Queen gained more media attention in Australia than any Australian governmental figure. Of all the people with power in Australia, the top award goes to someone on the other side of the world.

On another note, this year Greens Senator Sarah Hanson-Young ran a program which invited people to mail Christmas cards to children in detention centres, care of her office. If you didn’t get the chance to send a card this year, keep an eye out for this next year!

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On A Friday: Bad Ads

I dislike advertisements.
Actually, no, I love a good advert. Artistic or entertaining advertising can really brighten my day and served to lessen the blow of SBS’s in-program ad breaks. Internet advertising, however, can be frustrating.
Not only do you get worthless junk and potential phishing sites flashing in small boxes on your screen, but if you are on a slow connection, a video ad can slow down or break a loading page.
I got so frustrated one day whilst roaming the internet that I felt the need to contact some people of a similar mindset. So, I typed “ihateads.com” into my address bar, thinking that I would be taken to a page of amusing anecdotes regarding advertising. What I was instead greeted with was a page that was as infuriating as it was comedicly ironic.
I landed on a parked domain, but not just any parked domain – the most ad-crammed parked domain that I have ever seen! Pop-up boxes, flash ads, text ads, ads about the page, ads about advertising, the lot!

The number of ads on this page have since been toned down a bit, but the subtle and probably accidental mockery of modern day frustrations holds to light the extent to which the internet is used for quick revenue generation these days.
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On A Friday: Pre-Polling Predicaments

On last Tuesday and today I have been handing How To Vote cards at an early voting centre in my electorate ahead of Victoria’s state election this Saturday. I did the same at the last two federal elections, but this election has been the one which I have the most to say about.

At the particular early voting centre that I was stationed at I have had a wonderful time. The representatives from all parties have been welcoming, and have even handed out the How To Votes of other parties when people have had to leave for various reasons. However, despite all this good sportsmanship I have seen something really quite devastating.

On the Tuesday a carer turned up to make an early vote with two elderly people, one of whom was in a wheel chair. These two people were not physically keeping up with what was going on around them, however they seemed hopelessly aware of what was going on. As the carer approached slowly with the two in her care, pushing the one in a wheelchair and holding the arm of the other, I and the other campaigners greeted them. I tried to offer the carer a How To Vote card which she turned her nose up to. Not taking it to heart I then I then tried to offer the How To Vote to the person in the wheelchair.

This was responded to with the wheelchair being pushed faster as the carer told the person that she “didn’t need that.” This happened to every party handing out How to Votes except the Liberals, who handed over their How To Vote successfully.

The campaigners from the other parties had not actually been able to communicate with the elderly people much at all, and as we tried to make sure that these two knew which parties were present the person in the wheelchair slowly raised a hand to accept the alternatives. We were stymied however when the carer gathered pace again and they were over the line which campaigners are unable to cross before we had the chance to hand them anything.

Once they had entered the polling place all of us campaigners uttered words of dismay amongst each other, including the Liberal party campaigner who later mentioned that he had seen displays like that before. Now there may have been a pre-arranged agreement between the carer and the elderly ladies, however from where I and the other campaigners stood it sure didn’t look like it!

Discussion of reform to the system then arose, with some truly excellent suggestions being raised amongst us. One idea was that inside polling booths everywhere, all the How To Vote cards for parties contesting upper and lower house seats should be displayed in some way. This also gives equal treatment to the small parties whose budget does not allow the mass-printing of How To Votes, or who don’t command the support base to have a campaigner at every booth.

There was another concerning development which came about at the start of the week. The ballot paper for the Legislative Council (Victoria’s Upper House) had a fold in it, made during printing, which hid the last party on the paper. Despite the Victorian Electoral Commission (VEC) officials opening up the paper for voters to see, this paper could still be picked up by the voter in such a way that could hide the party again without the voter knowing. I was assured by the early voting official at my booth that they were making sure that all voters knew about the issue with the fold, but I am painfully aware that this was just in one booth. I have also been informed that the original batch of ballot papers which had been printer earlier did not have this fold.

The person in control of the booth was at pains to assure me that this was just a printing fault, which I am sure is the case. However the VEC’s slogan that “every vote will shape Victoria” is somewhat undermined by poor quality control with the ballot papers – with the slip of paper on which the actual votes are marked!

We live in a country with a proud democratic history, a country which has been described in the past as the pinnacle of democracy (notwithstanding our position as a constitutional monarchy). This however does not mean we should rest on our laurels – there are clear areas in need of improvement. The VEC this election has been using computers and mobile phones to assist vision impaired and non-English speaking voters cast a private ballot, a move which is a great leap forward in democratic representation for many people. However so long as carers can have absolute control over the votes of those they look after, and so long as ballot papers do not present each party equally, there is still room for improvement in our system. Improvements which, especially in Victoria where seats can swing easily, need to be made sooner rather than later.

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On A Friday: Deal or No Deal?

This week’s On A Friday is a break from the usual politics theme of this website, however the financial discrepancy here is rather akin to that of the Coalition’s budget costings!

I was traversing the aisles of my local “Sam’s Warehouse” with a friend this week when he spotted this great deal:

Walter P. Smyte, you have been outdone!

So, for Mr Hockey’s sake, here is the maths:

If you were to to buy each can of deodorant in separate transactions with cash it would cost you $3.95 each (after rounding), making the total cost for two cans $7.90.

Together, after rounding it comes to $7.95.

But you can forget all that because, this one time, you get to pay $8.00 for the lot!

There actually is a practical application for the maths above. It shows that since the removal of one and two cent coins in Australia, making two transactions can actually save you five or ten cents! It also shows that opportunistic capitalism is alive and well.

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On A Monday: The most outdated video you will see this election

Cast you mind back to the start of November 2007. John Howard was Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd was trying to depose the 11-year-old Liberal National Coalition Government and Peter Garrett made himself known for his “short and jocular” conversations.

Three years, three Opposition Leaders and two Prime Ministers later we have the 2010 Election Campaign. We have had the apology to the Stolen Generations, the Global Financial Crisis, the lowest Newspoll “Preferred Prime Minister” rating in history for former Opposition Leader Brendan Nelson and the “death” of WorkChoices.

We have borne witness to the defeat of the Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme, the Resource Super Profits Tax that finally toppled Kevin Rudd from the Prime Minister’s podium, the beginnings of the National Broadband Network and a notable rise in the popularity of The Australian Greens.

Federal Parliament has waved goodbye to John Howard, Peter Costello, Brendan Nelson, Kim Beazley and Mark Vaile, and Lindsay Tanner announcing his imminent departure.

My, how Australia’s political landscape has changed! So, to kick off One Cuckoo Short of a Nest’s planned commentary of the 2010 federal election, we will be stepping through an amusing musical time warp.

This video by Australian musical comedy trio the Axis of Awesome dates back to the last federal election campaign. Yes, it’s the Election 07 Rap Battle! So voters, throw on your “bling”, get down to “da hood” and break the election down “old school”! Or just press play.

Wasn’t that a wonderful walk down memory lane!

Maybe it’s not quite right to say that this video is outdated. This campaign Kevin Rudd, John Howard and Peter Costello have all come back in to the spotlight, although arguably Kevin Rudd never really left centre stage in the first place. Joining them there has been Andrew Peacock, John Hewson, Bob Hawke, Paul Keating, Malcolm Fraser and Mark Latham. This election has turned out to be an all-stars event!

Twelve days out from the election – a lot could still happen on the campaign trail. Don’t forget though, base your vote off policy as well as publicity. Check out party websites and even Wikipedia for more information on each of the parties contesting this election.

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